Inspired by the column, 'a la carte,' by brian l. perkins, from the little-seen KML 'zine, Lips of Despair (1997).

 "the rat," by the walkmen
 the best rock and roll song i have heard in years. it's the only song recently that i immediately have to hear again when it ends. it's so good that you won't even mind that the name of the lead singer is hamilton leithauser. i went to a stuffy new england prep school--the kind where guys with names like 'hamilton leithauser' wouldn't pass me the butter--and i assure you, from the way the lead singer has his way with this song, he could probably readily handle guys named hamilton leithauser in a fight.

 the post-it note
 i use about 15-20 of these a day. simply put, the best designed everyday object of the second half of the twentieth century. there is no flash. nothing is extraneous or unneccessary. form and function are perfectly matched. care to differ? well then, hot shot, why the hell do most computers now have an electronic post-it note program? post-its. friggin tiny-ass pieces of paper. for computers. riddle me that, batman.

 13 year-olds who sing about sex and wanting to end relationships
 there's a new pop sensation in town named jojo--she's a 13 year-old wunderkind whose first single "leave (get out)" is about wanting to end it with her man, who apparently is cheating on her with another woman. if--as they say in career counseling circles--30 is the new 20, does that make 13 the new 28? look for my new single about orthopedic shoes and medicare to blaze up the charts in october.

 the n judah muni line
 as my friend john kovacevich puts it: "from the beach to pac bell park in 2.5 hours." sure it's slow--but the riders are so friendly! one spilled a semi-cold cappucino on my pants 3 months ago. another stabbed me in the back with her umbrella a week ago, in an effort to nudge me to the side. still another offered to disembowel me for looking at him (he said something about having 'served time' upon exiting the vehicle). oh the people you'll meet!

 the 'wine' section of the san francisco chronicle
 yet another reason to be glad to be a beer drinker.

 the cartoon 'all over coffee' in the san francisco chronicle
 really pretty visuals. really pointless text. kind of like interviews with halle berry.