The Electoral  College announces that it is going to start requiring SAT scores

Osama Bin Laden is captured….while mixing a pink martini poolside in Crawford, TX.

Dick Cheney gets busted downloading lesbian porn

Swing voters announce that they’ve just been messing with everyone and they made up their minds five minutes into Fahrenheit 9/11 Karl Rove leaves the White House to help the Red Sox win a World SeriesTed Turner buys Fox NewsThe American public concludes that the election really is a referendum on military service in VietnamBush Sr. endorses him

Zell Miller accidentally  shoots Donald Rumsfeld while choosing seconds to duel Chis MatthewsColin Powell wakes up, realizes who he’s working for, and releases a resignation statement saying: “Jesus H. Christ! What the fuck was I doing? That guy is capital “k” Krazy!”Electoral College announces that Blue states will count double this yearBush decides that, actually, he doesn’t want to be president anymore. But if that baseball commissioner job is available…