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This review should really be written on the side of one of those trucks that empty the port-o-johns after a Stones concert, cause the movie I went to see is so full of crap.
Now that Gigli, the Affleck/J Lo disaster epic has been driven out of the movie houses, it is nothing new to hear that this movie is awful. I have to admit, having sat through Swimfan, The Core, and yes, Kangaroo Jack, I think I have a pretty high tolerance for awfulness. I am a big enough man to admit that this movie has bested me. I walked out of Gigli after about 40 minutes.
I was not the first, the old couple went before me, probably when the retarded kid played by the normal kid in the movie was screaming about the Baywatch and counting sunflower seeds (oh, wacky autism). Then the woman who was only interested in Lopez's sexy jeans had to let herself out, followed by a person on crutches. You know a movie is having trouble when people for whom it is difficult to walk anywhere, walk out. My movie date and I bailed after that, right when Christopher Walken showed up. When the crutches guy leaves, it's kind of like those commercials when the old people walking uphill pass you while you're stuck in traffic. Even the prospect of Tomb Raider did not hold enough appeal for us to remain in the Metreon Complex.
The only thing to look forward to is when this movie officially enters the pantheon of horrible films and is thrown to the drag queens and kings who delight in its public destruction at a midnight showing at some small little cinema out in the avenues.
Bewley-out. |
