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Hey crappers, I am in the Matrix. I have endless power and I am like, really really good at smashing cars. Especially Caddies. Sure, I have some bad dreams and everyone treats me like a bland, vague messiah, but life is pretty cool. I have this girlfriend who can uhm, like fly and stuff. I think. Or maybe just jump, real, real, real slowly. Sometimes I have to go do some stuff, so I don't always have the time to wait for her to fight, cause uh, it takes awhile, you know? One thing I noticed was that people shoot slinkies at her a lot. They usually miss, but that's ok. Even if they hit I can just reach inside her boob and get it out. That is my favorite power, by far. All my friends are back in my new matrix movie, The Matrix Reloaded. I really---------*()* (
Crap. I had to restart. Sorry. I lost the rest of that sentence. Sometimes being the most powerful does not mean having the most powerful computer! Agh! I slowly spilled a latte on my keyboard. And it's all jacked up. I think that's what happened to that Tank guy, too. His sister is hot, by the way. I am glad she was around for our massive part-ay we had the other night in the cave. I ducked out to have sex with my girlfriend. I wish she wore the leather outfit, though. Her naked..uh...is cool, but not as cool as that shiny black leather with a motorcycle helmet. Somebody said Crash Attack! I know Kung-FUN!
So I went to see that Oracle lady. I like her, cause she reminds me of the Jeffersons. Kind of wise and uppity, but really really funny. I do not like that Smith guy. Oh god. He's like everywhere I go. I think he has a crush on me too. Which is fine, I've got a cool saviour to everyone thing happening. But he just tries too hard. Sometimes I just want to turn to him and say, "hey, I had a really fun time kicking you in the head, but this IS Elimidate, and uh, I have to Elimidate...you."
Anyway, I get to know some pretty cool things and have a hot make out session with a boobed out Italian actress in the men's room. I just re-read that sentence and I'm not sure how those things go together. If you ever...ever...see a pair of white twins with dreadlocks, do not piss them off...just kind of step aside and offer them the rightaway. If they do get angry or try and go after your girl with a straight edge razor blade, you'll see what I mean, they get all boogedy boo on you. It's like a really scary version of Slimer from those Ghostbuster movies. Only without the ectoplasmic slop.
All in all I do not recommend seeing this Matrix movie. I am in it. And I'll be honest. I am not a good actor. I am an even worse actor when I am just a computer graphic. You'll see what I mean. It's pretty obvious I am not me, but rather an extra from NBA Street 2 for the Paulstation 2. But you'll probably go, cause that's what you're programmed to do. Whoop. Gotta go...phone's ringing. I think the pizza is here.
Neo-out |
