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Wow, I can't believe I have finally hit my three hundred and twenty first review.
At this point I really wish I had called it something like MY TAKE! or CLIPPER JAY AND THE SEAHAWKS SEE MOVIES! But it is the Bewley Report and so it remains.
I am happy to lend my insight to you, my loyal and devoted readers, and guide you on your trips from multiplex to multiplex and then onto the Krispy Kreme.
I wanted to pause for a moment and honor a member of the extended Bewley family, Mr. Gordon Bewley.
Gordon is not someone I knew. Or even knew existed. But then I googled myself, image search, and found this picture.
I think I speak for all Bewleys, when I say how proud I am of this master of the amateur theater. I am only sorry he was in a different state, and that he died in 2000, but mostly that he lived in a different state. That really prevented us from collaborating on something. I mean we could at least have see a movie together. I am sure we would have gotten some KFC, too. I am not sure why... something in his... eyes. And maybe the beard. Yeah...
Ok... So what about the movies? First off a few things: We won the war! YAY! YAY! WHA?!! Bush is a terd. He is king of the terds. El Terdo Supremo. ÊBush taco terd con queso. I mean, I'm glad another one of our enemies is now totally in hiding and planning a strike against us. I really am. It makes me soooo able to sleep at night knowing that Osama has company in whatever European hotel he's been staying in since Afghanistan went up in smoke. Did we win that one, too? We had a war there right?
That's why I went to see THE CORE. I can't say why I have to say it in caps, like I am screaming it. It just sounds better. THE CORE!!! THE CORE....I love it.
This film is wartime gold. But it is a piece of crap. Here's what happens. A black guy makes a giant phallic ship, a bunch of white guys decide to plunge the monster deep into the warm wet center of the earth to hit the global g-spot and make the world go spinning again and when the black guy dies, they take the credit. Come the fuck on. How can you not like that? Here's where you strap on your drool bibs losers: I saw THE CORE on IMAX!!! It was freakin huge. It was like watching that PBS special about the creation of life starring Hillary Swank. (This time she plays a girl!) Don't bother seeing it.
Also don't listen to other contributors to this fine web-publication (I'm not sure what that means, but Jon insists I call it his web-publication -- WHATEVER), when they say that the Bewley report is not the most wide reaching portion of this site. I hear a whole New Yawk squawk in my inbox the other day about a ÊMinneapochicaowa-person who is 'forwarding' another kml.com column around the entire greater small state area. Sorry dear, I may only have 100 words, but those words got frequent flyer miles they been circulated so much. And according to my other emails from Misters Geffen, Spielberg, and Gates, the word is out.
And now Bewley is too.
Bewley-out.
Bewley-back! Seriously, Maura, I am just kidding. I am really happy for you. It sounds like people really like that column. I promise to get around to reading it someday:)
Big hugs! |
