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Recently I got an email from a loyal reader who was all "Why are you not going to see Boat Trip? A few of my buddies from the base went and it was off the hook! I LOOOVE Horatio Sanz! You should go and see it!"
In response I offer the following four reasons why I will not see Boat Trip.
1) What does the title mean? Boat Trip What does that suggest? That they are going out on a pond and fishing? It should have been called something like Cruisin! or Men Overboard! or Steamin Steuben! Anything that actually had to do with a cruise ship and not a mere boat.
2) Cuba Gooding Junior. He had one movie in him. Let's give him that and move on. He's finished. How bout we look back at his recent Snow Dogs as evidence? Ooop... better not.
3) Horatio Sanz. The most unfunny member of SNL next to Chris Parnell. Parnell is by far the worst, but Sanz... he can't even keep a straight face when he's doing his bits. I know (from experience) that every comedy groupa troop needs their fat ethnic weird guy. But c'mon. Why are you in this? You're not even convincing as a straight guy to begin with. Might as well cast that androgenous man/lady who works at this new burrito place I discovered. She has breasts... and a mustache. She has a high voice, and rough hands. Don't ask me how I know that last part. Our knuckles brushed when she gave me the change. WHA KYNNA BEENZ HORATIO! WHA KYNNA BEENZ.
4) Blatant backwater idea of what is funny about gay people/ OH MY GOD! He's in DRAG! Sorry, let me get out of my discount 1984 time goes backwards machine and blender combo. Thanks for nothing Julie Newmar. This is so fucking lame. What could be at the least fun about this premise was pretty much milked by Tommy Hanks and that blonde guy from Newhart, when Bosom Buddies was on. It's such an old joke, it's offensive. Not only because of the gay part, but because it is insulting to all of our intelligence.
Swab the poop deck, fellas, cause this shit is baked on old, crusty like a homeless man's terd on 10th and Folsom.
Bewley-out
Bewley-back! I did go and rent Devil's Playground about Amish kids turning 16 and deciding whether or not they want to be Amish. It's not great but it is fun to see Amish kids dealing crank, having massive "barn raising" parties, and feeling each other up in their bed-courting. After that I have to do a little bed-courting with Maggie Gyenhall as I take in Secretary tonite! Hey Maggie, if you're reading this, I am still single and ready to be your personal assistant. Not in a sick way, but seriously if you're looking to have some office help, I can be of service. |
