FOUND:

SPUTNIK

 Russian Satellite found in backyard. I'm a scientist
 and don't really have time to do a full diagnostic as
 to what went wrong with this piece of tin.
 Would prefer someone else carry the load this time.
 Sick of being so responsible.
 Haven't had a raise in two years.
 Please remove. This is not a joke.
 If you have any information and can speak Russian please contact,
 Joe Algrant Chief Engineer of NASA, at
found@killingmylobster.com