FOUND:

SPARE TIRE

 My inner mind is blown. I normally have a washboard stomach.
 Woke up this morning and boom, I got me a gut.
 It ain't mine, I'll tell you that much.
 Really weird sh#*, man. I work out a lot. I work the abs.
 For more than 8 minutes. I like it. It feels good.
 Tight. Impactful. Like me.
 Will the flabby bi&@! claim this. Thanks.
 This is not a joke. If you have any information please contact
 Jeff Rothenberg at lostandfound@killingmylobster.com