Contributed by Hafsa Malik, January 2004

 * Begin with charming salutation

 * Mention "that time of year again"

 * Self-deprecating remark about age

 * References to pop culture

 * Sarcastic nonchalance

 * Segue into direct statement of purpose:
 "I'm having a party. Please, please come."

 * Location, location, location

 * Vague indication of arrival time (9:30 or 10-ish) followed by "until whenever" to emphasize gumption, youthful rebellion, and alcohol tolerance

 * Relevant movie quote to indicate "tone" for the evening

 * One last postmodern, absurdist witticism

 * Request guests to "bring it"

 * Heartfelt sign-off followed by quote from deceased person of both historical and personal significance.