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| sept 8 - 14 |
| quiet, waiting for the hag to stop talking |
| hi: 81 |
| lo: 52 |
Contributed by MG, September 2003
Written (but not selected for production) for Killing My Lobster Circus of Failure way back last fall, "Parallel Lives" charts the uneasy dynamic between a couple who attempt to hash out their wrongs while the man attempts to parallel park. Stage directions note how this scene would be livened up if it was presented all performance-like...
(Man and woman in "car," backs to audience; man is driving; dry cleaning is hanging in the back seat)
Susan: Did you have to comment on Gwen's hair cut? Did you have to? Did you need to? Why? Why? Why did you have to?
Daryl: Look, she asked me what I thought. What was I supposed to say?
Susan: What were you supposed to say? How about, "Why, Gwen, you've done something to your hair." Or "Gwen, love the new look." Or "Gwen, I'm going to compliment you on your new hair style because Susan insists that we carry ourselves well and try to fit in here despite the fact that everyone is far more glamorous than we are, better employed, more educated --
Daryl: Susan! Please! I think we've both had a little bit to drink tonight. Let's just find a parking spot and go inside. I'll put on the tea kettle and we can calmly talk this out.
Susan: You can calmly talk this out. I'll be in my room erasing Gwen's phone number from my address book, because after that stunt you pulled, there's not a chance in hell--
Daryl: Oh. There's one [a parking spot]. Should I take it?
Susan: Do what you want. Maybe you should tell the parking spot that it's looking a little fat and that you hate it's outfit.
(long pause)
Daryl: I'm just going to take it. Maybe the walk will do us some good. (Turns around, making the "concentrating on parking face," with his hand on the back of Susan's seat. Suddenly realizing...) Ooh. I'm not sure I can fit here. Let's just try to ease... How am I on your side?
Susan: You've ruined my life.
Daryl: Plenty of room then?
Susan (realizing that he's about to scrape the car on her side): Daryl! Watch out! Be careful!
Daryl: I asked you if I had room on that side. Alright. I'll pull out and try this again. Just... slowly... reversing-
Susan: I wish I could slowly reverse the course of our relationship.
Daryl: Thank you Susan. That's very nice of you to say.
Susan: Well I'm tired of dancing around the fact that--Cut it! CUT IT, Daryl! Cut it NOW!
Daryl: Ok. Ok. Oh. Looks like I'm a little tight on that side.
Susan (starting to sob): Oh, Daryl. Why can't you cut it? Why can't you cut it?
Daryl: I'm just going to try again.
Susan: All you needed to do was cut it when I said cut it.
Daryl: Maybe it would be easier if I didn't have to deal with your goddamn dry cleaning, which happens to be making it very difficult for me to see out of the back window.
Susan: Blame the dry cleaning, Daryl. It's the dry cleaning's fault that you can't parallel park. It's the dry cleanings fault that you couldn't keep your big mouth shut at Gwen's party. It's the dry cleaning's fault that I haven't had an orgasm in four months.
Daryl (frustrated; ripping down the dry cleaning): Yes! Maybe it is the dry cleaning's fault that you're a close minded, intolerant social climber. (pause) Susan. I really need to park this car. I want to try again. And part of me thinks that if I can just get it right this time, maybe things will be alright between us.
Susan: Oh, Daryl. Park the car.
FIN |
