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By Maura Madden
At 5:30 in the evening on the twenty-fourth day of the twelfth month of the year, something special happens on the island of Manhattan. There, on 76th Street and Lexington Avenue, a Christmas miracle occurs. It is commonly known as aÊ "Christmas Pageant," and it is the best thing about Christmas outside of the presents. It is a mind-blowing, heart-stopping, cuteness-filled cliche come to life, with picture-perfect shenanigans and comedy abounding. Going to see the pageant is a family tradition, and lord have mercy; it has never let me down.
According to our custom, we arrive late to the mass. We are absolutely certain that this mass will not begin on time. Behind the scenes at 5:37, someone is wrangling a horde of children. There is always one little Angel who needs to pee one more time before the pageant. I know this because I was once that little Angel.
We settle into our pew, and my dad hands out the programs. We stand to join in a hymn of praise and turn to see the cuteness parade. Here they are, traipsing down the aisle, a merry bunch of little ones dressed like Mary, Joseph, the Three Wise Men, the Angels, the Shepherds, and the Animals of the Manger. Mary is beatific, as always, a fresh-faced nine-year-old girl wearing the requisite blue sheet to cover her hair. Joseph, going on ten, is trying to look dignified even though he is wearing a bathrobe in church. The Wise Men, all around twelve, are clutching their frankincense, gold and myrrh props to keep from dropping them out of nervousness. The Shepherds, played by the eleven-year-old boys, walk with deliberate strides. There are a few about-to-be-fallen-because-they-tripped-over-their-own-robes-Angels, but they are generally an orderly bunch. But it is the barnyard beasts that we crane our necks to see. Even in Christmas pageants there is typecasting. Mary is chosen for her grace and beauty, Joseph for his serenity, the Shepherds for their leadership qualities, the Wise Men for their nobility and the Angels for their sweetness. Each child in the pageant was chosen to play a part that best suits his or her personality. These kids were chosen to be animals.
It's a good group this year, I can tell just by looking at them. ThereÕs a cow tucked into the flock of little sheep, and I turn my attention towards him. Last year the cow was a cutie who created chaos, mooing and wandering all around the altar. But this cow looks subdued - not MVP material. But wait, what's this I see? It is a sheep that has lost his way! His fuzzy costume is too big for him, so his hood-with-ears is flapping rhythmically above his eyebrows, hampering his vision. He's not walking straight, but he doesn't care. He's a four-year-old wooly wonder-ball, stumbling down the aisle. I'm keeping my eye on him.
They file into their pews up front, and now we have to wait. For an hour, we wait for their return to the spotlight. My church has a policy of doing the pageant after the Mass, which is so lame. I'm not sure why all these children here are managing to be so patient, because I am not. I am bored and I want the Christmas pageant. Halfway through the Mass, my brother turns to me and says, "Is this longer than last year?"
It is definitely longer than last year, especially because the priest has decided to read and discuss the genealogy of Christ, quite possibly the most boring topic he ever could have chosen. He drones on and on about how Zadok became the father of Achim, Achim the father of Eliud, Eliud the father of Eleazer, on down to Jesus. I lean over the pew and try to catch a glimpse of the sheep.
The mass ends, finally, and the priest invites the children to begin the pageant. A teenage boy wearing a blazer and tie stands shyly at the lectern and starts to read the story. The beginning action is relatively boring, though little Mary and her relative Elizabeth hug for an awkwardly longtime after Mary tells Elizabeth that she is going to give birth to the Son of God. It's a strong choice on the young actresses' part, and it almost works. You know, it's a pretty wild thing to find out about. You might want a really big hug. Then Joseph enters and they do the whole walking-around-trying-to-find-a-room-at-an-inn bit, and finally they settle in the manger. Enter the animals of the manger - cue my little sheep. He kneels placidly for a moment, and I almost feel like I might have miscalled this one. Then the Angels arrive and gather around the Holy Family. They are a vision of white and silver wings. One angel is a little rambunctious, extending her arms like a ballerina for angelic effect. But I'm only looking at her for a minute when the sheep comes alive. He gets up without warning and starts to cruise around the altar.
"I'm up here in costume, I'm going to check this place out! Okay, this is a really big table. What is this made of, marble? Nice. Quality stuff they got here. There iss plenty of room to put the Bible and the bread and wine on here. You could really serve a nice buffet on this table. Let me walk a little further. The seats for the choir are nice. I'm going to turn around and see how the view is. Pretty sweet. Oh, I like the poinsettia they chose this year. Nice colors. It's pretty spacious back here, but boring. I'm going to walk back around to the front now. Everyone looks good. This scene is going well. Maybe I'll get back into the mix. Where am I supposed to stand again? I donÕt remember. How about the middle? The middle is good. I'll just stand right here in the middle, in front of Mary and Joseph. Wait. Maybe that's not such a great idea. I'll kneel in front of Mary and Joseph. Good. Perfect. The audience seems to be enjoying themselves. But this kneeling is hard on the knees. I'm not going to be able to get back up if I stay down in that position. I'll take another walk around, see what I missed on the first pass. Table is still big. You know, it's big enough to easily hide under. Nah, I am not going to go there. But I will keep that in mind, for next time. Hey, what is this? Is this an enormous candlestick? Wow, this is nice. We should get some of these for the house. They probably sell something similar at Pottery Barn. And is this a real candle up here? A lit candle? Is this fire I see?Ê IÕm not sure. Let me just take a closer look. Oh, yes, yes it is. Oh, and hereÕs my Mom. Hi, Mom. Whoah, hey there, where are we going? I was just looking for a price tag on this candlestick! Are you mad? You're mad, aren't you? Oh, man, I hope this isn't going to affect the whole Santa-coming-down-the-chimney thing. That would make me a sad sheep."
So my little sheep was removed, and the pageant ended moments later. My family and I trotted out into the cold, but we were warm and fuzzy. The pageant did not go up in flames, but our hearts certainly did. We were caught in a big bonfire of Christmas joy, lit by one little sheep, because animals in trouble are always lovable. And given the amount of time in the season spent with family and old friends, lovable trouble is what the holidays are all about.
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