Jazz A La Carte
A playlet written by Jon Wolanske

*Inspired by the menu from Chili's Restaurant 

A bass player, trumpeter, drummer, and guitarist jam onstage. They are deep in session when a pianist comes up to the stage and joins in. He nods to the band and they nod back. They each demonstrate a solo bit...

Bassist: Yeah! Alright alright... "Salt Peanuts"!

(the group plays a few refrains from Bud Powell's 'Salt Peanuts')

Trumpeter: That's the stuff! Alright... "Popcorn"!

(the group launches into Herb Alpert's "Popcorn")

Pianist: Unh! "Skillet Queso"!

(The group--a little lost--tries to stumble through as the pianist leads them through a song he seems to be inventing on the spot)

Drummer: Bring it back now! "Chili Sauce"!

(The group immediate recognizes the call--playing through some of Louis Prima's 'Chili Sauce')

Trumpeter: Hooo! 'Scrambled Eggs'!

(They pick up steam with a bit of Nat Adderly's "Scrambled Eggs")

Pianist: "Awesome Blossom"!

(The group--again lost--tries to follow as the pianist leads them through some weird jazz riff)

Bassist: "String Bean" now! Pick it up!

(They play some of John Pizarelli's 'Stringbean'. On a screen behind them, a logo for Chili's Restaurant comes into view.)

Guitarist: "Green Onions"!

(the band plays the familiar refrain of Booker T.'s "Green Onions")

Pianist: "Loaded Mashed Potatoes"!

(the band slows down--and slowly begins to glare at the pianist)

Painist: Triple Play! Delicious Chicken Crispers! Mouth-watering Boneless Buffalo Wings & Spicy Southwestern Eggrolls. Served with Dipping Sauces!

(The pianist busily pounds out notes as one by one each other band member leaves the stage, pissed.)

Pianist: Bottomless Tostada Chips! (he notices others leaving) Citrus Fire Chicken and Shripmp! (less confident) Quesidilla Explosion Salad... ?

(He's now alone onstage)

Pianist: Fried Cheese! (he bangs out three hard notes)

(softly) Littlemouth Cheeseburger (plays one note)... (getting up from his seat) Thank you! (he runs off)

FIN