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Me Love you long Time: The Konger
(King Kong reviewed by Tonya G.)
“No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food!”
This memorable quote speaks volumes. Like Long Duk Dong (a.k.a. The Donger) in Sixteen Candles, 2005’s King Kong
(a.k.a. The Konger) needs food as well. And by food, I mean…L.O.V.E. No
more bullshit! The Konger has had it, and he’s breaking out.
The spooky
wizard and shape shifter known as Mr. Peter Jackson has done it again.
I didn’t see all of The Lord of the Rings movies, but Daniel
says they are pretty good. And I was not let down by his riveting
adaptation of the 1933 Konger classic (Jackson’s, not Daniel’s. Though
I hear his is pretty good, too).The movie is an all-around beauteous creation. Naomi Watts is
luminous, the special effects shocking. Jack Black gives us his best
crazy eyes and pulls off the role of a despicable and loathsome film
director. But the real star of the film is-you guessed it- a 25 foot
monkey I like to call The Konger, or King Dong.
He is a sensitive beast, clearly inspired by the original Konger, Long Duk Dong . Gedde Watanabe gave a moving performance in John Hughes 1984 thrilling epic, Sixteen Candles.
A rebellious and beautiful creature, ripped out of his native land for
all to mock and laugh upon. “Auto-mo-biiile?” Dude, the Donger doesn’t
give a crap about cars, and neither does the Konger, which is why he
throws them all over Times Square like leggos. “For the price of an
admission ticket, people can see the mysteries of the world!” Well
played….
It is a huge risk to remake a film as epic and campy as Kong,
and to make it even better is pretty remarkable. I don’t think anyone
can deny Jackson’s brilliance, especially when it comes to creatures.
He is so into them! The chases, the enormous insects, and ‘saurs
(dino’s that is), are so cool that the audience was on the verge of
giggle-shock. You know, when something is so cool or so shocking that
you just kind of sit there with your mouth hanging open and grunt a
half laugh because you don’t know what else to do? Yeah, giggle-shock.
It is also amazing how much you immediately side with the
Konger. Right away it is clear who the idiots are (humans) and who’s
the fucking badass King of the scary island (Konger). The best scenes
are between Watts and The Konger. There is something fascinating about
their chemistry, and this relationship is the heart of the movie. I
really didn’t care about Adrian Brody and Watts after about five
minutes. If I have one critique, it is that the relationship between
those two could have been a bit more developed before they go to the
island. Then perhaps the audience would be more invested in Mr. Brody
risking his life in a sea of freaky creatures just to save the fair
dame. I was like, screw him, get with the monkey! I think everyone was
secretly hoping for a sex scene. “Oh sexy girlfriend!”. That’s what he
said….
It’s a great film. It’s beautiful, exciting, heartbreaking,
and smart. It is really what all epics should be like, NOT like that
heap War of the Turds or Memoirs of a Geisha. Snooooozzzeee!
Overall grade: A- |
