 Terry’s iPod
December 25, 2004 – November 12, 2005
A marvelous piece of technology was heartlessly stolen from Terry Wellman on November 12, 2005, along with his wallet, a fake Rolex, his pants and ¾ of his dignity. The iPod is assumed dead. The iPod was just over ten months old. The iPod brought Terry joy many times greater than its short stay in his loving ownership. Sure, he dropped it a few times and scratched the window, but everyone has a few
scratches on theirs. He was planning on buying a case or one of those
cute little socks, really. He just hadn’t found the time yet.
Terry
pinned away for many months for his iPod and fondly remembers his
unbounded joy upon opening the perfectly square box on Christmas
morning while still in his pajamas and sleep-tousled hair. Tears of
happiness fell from his eyes, washing away the crusty sleep and slight
eggnog hangover. Terry’s hands still recall cradling its slick design.
His fingers and thumb now achingly stroke the air where the dial used
to be, like an amputee reaching to scratch an itch on a missing limb. He can still feel the cool, white plastic on his cheek, which has been covered with bitter, salty tears these past few weeks. Terry’s
iPod made early morning and late night rides on the J-Church MUNI
bearable. (There is nothing like having your personal space violated
from 15 different angles while listening to Fischerspooner at 8:00 in
the morning.) The iPod liked to go to the gym but lacked the debating
skills to get Terry to go as often as he should have. As
a result, both the iPod and Terry had begun to get a little soft in the
middle from too many of Andrea’s homemade butterscotch-oatmeal cookies.
At the date of disappearance, the iPod dutifully held 2,311 songs. Many more CDs in Terry’s collection yearned to jump into its ample 30 GB bosom. The
iPod is survived by Terry Wellman, his wife, Andrea (who surprised
Terry with the gift), a Rio MP3 player, a Sony DiscMan, a Sony Sport
Walkman and a world-class collection of mix-tapes from the late high
school era, when music was the only salve that could ease the pain in
Terry’s life when he realized his voice would never deepen, he would
forever be plagued by “Please drive through, ma’am” at drive-through
restaurants and his dream of becoming the Caucasian Barry White would
never be realized. In
lieu of flowers, please cash, check or money order to the “Terry
Wellman iPod Replacement and Upgrade to Video iPod Fund” care of Credit
Suisse First Boston, New York, NY, 10016. The fake Rolex, wallet, pants and ¾ of Terry’s dignity will not be as missed. |
