Sentence Movies
written by Kevin Shay
--collected from IMDB.com; movie titles that are full sentences; all dialogue is comprised of these movie titles. First featured in the KML show Killing My Lobster: Nothing Is Original. 

 (A WOMAN is sitting alone in a room. A MAN knocks on the door.)

 WOMAN: Who’s That Knocking at My Door? Don’t Bother to Knock.

 (The MAN enters.)

 WOMAN: I See a Dark Stranger. Welcome, Stranger.

 MAN: Are You in the House Alone? Are You Lonesome Tonight?

 WOMAN: Careful, He Might Hear You. Walk Softly, Stranger. Shall We Dance? Will You Dance With Me? 

 MAN: Dance With a Stranger?

 WOMAN: Let’s Dance.

 (They start to dance.)

 MAN: Tough Guys Don’t Dance.

 WOMAN: Make Me an Offer.

 MAN: I Wanna Hold Your Hand.

 WOMAN: Come and Get It. I’m Dangerous Tonight.

 MAN: Just Tell Me What You Want.

 WOMAN: I Want What I Want. Girls are for Loving. Ask Any Girl. Girls Just Want to Have Fun. 

 MAN: Bad Girls Go to Hell.

 WOMAN: Hell Is for Heroes.

 MAN: A Hero Ain’t Nothin’ But a Sandwich.

 WOMAN: Kiss Me, Stupid.

 (They kiss.)

 MAN: It Started With a Kiss.

 WOMAN: It’s Your First Kiss, Charlie Brown.

 MAN: Once Is Not Enough. It Takes Two. Let’s Do It Again.

 WOMAN: I Don’t Buy Kisses Anymore. Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me. Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down. Sleep With Me.

 MAN: (aside) The Lady Is Willing. She Couldn’t Say No. She’s Out of Control. She’s Gotta Have It.

 WOMAN: Look Who’s Talking.

 MAN: Look Who’s Talking Too. Can It Be Love?

 WOMAN: What’s Love Got to Do with It?

 MAN: I Love You. I Love You Again. I’ve Always Loved You. I Love You to Death. I Love You, Alice B. Toklas!

 WOMAN: Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.

 (The woman’s BROTHER bursts in.)

 BROTHER: Don’t Mess with My Sister.

 WOMAN: Oh, God. And Now the Screaming Starts. I Love Trouble.

 BROTHER: (to WOMAN) Never Love a Stranger. Don’t Talk to Strangers. Don’t Answer the Phone. Don’t Hang Up. Don’t Go to Sleep. Don’t Go in the House. Don’t Go in the Woods. Don’t Look in the Basement. Don’t Look Now. Don’t Drink the Water. 

 WOMAN: Don’t Fence Me In.

 MAN: Who’s the Man?

 BROTHER: Who Am I This Time? My Name Is Ivan. My Name Is Barbra. My Name Is Nobody. Call Me Bwana. They Call Me Mister Tibbs. I Am a Fugitive From a Chain Gang. I’m Gonna Git You Sucka. And Then You Die. Face the Music. Stand and Deliver. 

 WOMAN: Hit the Deck. Run Stranger Run. Run If You Can. Race For Your Life, Charlie Brown. Meet Me in St. Louis.

 MAN: Men Don’t Leave. Catch Me if You Can.

 WOMAN: You So Crazy.

 (The BROTHER chases the MAN around the room.)

 BROTHER: Die, Monster, Die! Die Hard. Die Hard With a Vengeance. (To WOMAN) Watch Me When I Kill. This Man Must Die.

 MAN: This Man Can’t Die.

 (The MAN pulls a gun.)

 WOMAN: The Stranger Wore a Gun.

 MAN: The Gun Is Loaded.

 BROTHER: Johnny Got His Gun.

 WOMAN: Shoot to Kill. Kill or Be Killed. Kill, Baby, Kill. Shoot. Fire!

 (The MAN shoots the BROTHER.)

 MAN: Drop Dead Fred.

 BROTHER: (as he’s dying) Call It Murder. Dial M for Murder. Color Me Dead. Come See the Paradise. Heaven Is a Playground. All Dogs Go to Heaven.

 (BROTHER dies.)

 MAN: I Spit on Your Grave.

 WOMAN: I’ll Cry Tomorrow.

 (BROTHER comes back to life.)

 BROTHER: Kill Me Again.

 (MAN shoots him again. Piano music is heard.)

 WOMAN: Shoot the Piano Player.

 (MAN fires offstage. Piano music stops.)

 VOICE: Can’t Stop the Music.

 (Piano music resumes.)

 WOMAN: And the Band Played On.

 MAN: Hold Your Man.

 (They embrace.)

 WOMAN: Never Let Me Go. You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown.

 MAN: Thank You and Goodnight.

 (Blackout.)