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Happy Birthday, 40 Foot Buffet!
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 Penned by Terry Wellman (pictured right), The
40 Foot Buffet is now one year old. We still spit up on ourselves, throw a hissy fit when we don’t get our way and can’t fall asleep without our binky, but we are growing up fast. Congratulatory telegrams and emails have been coming in from around the country and the world from F-o-40’s - Friends of 40 Foot Buffet. See below for what the rich, the famous, the infamous and the deposed F-o-40’s have to say about this momentous occasion.
“Congratulations! I think this is an appropriate time for some irrational exuberance. Must go now, the wife is about the join me in the tub. Keep up the good work.” - Alan Greenspan
“Sorry I can’t make the party. This whole crimes-against-humanity trial thing is taking up all my time. Congratulations. Your columns get me through the lonely prison nights.” - Saddam Hussein
“Truth be told? 40 Foot Buffet makes me laugh. Keep up the good work.” - Brock Throckmorton, syndicated and nine-time award winning broadcast journalist
“Wow. A whole year. Who knew you had that kind of commitment in you? I am not bitter or anything. I’ve moved on. I’ve found a perfectly nice guy who is not afraid of commitment.” - Rebecca, ex-girlfriend
“Kongradulashuns. I kant wate to reed more of yur funny collums.” - Vince Young, ex-Texas Longhorn Quarterback, Rose Bowl MVP
“CONFIRMED: 40 FOOT BUFFET GREATEST HUMOR COLUMN EVER!”- Matt Drudge
“Dude, I suggest you hire a fact checker.” - James Frey
“Your columns have been getting bigger and bigger. Are you on steroids? Be careful - you don’t want any asterisks next to your name in the history books.”*- Barry Bonds
“40 Foot Buffet is a GREAT AMERICAN. There is nothing like a good poop joke, Law & Order spoofs or extreme sandwiches to make us laugh. 40 Foot Buffet keeps our borders secure, thwarts terrorism and lowers taxes. I thank God every day for President Bush and pray that 40 Foot Buffet will never be off-shored to India. ” - Chris Hannity, conservative blow hard.
“Excuse the handwriting, boys, the after life does not come with limbs. Unfortunately, it does not come with eyes either. I’ve loved reading your columns anyway.” - Groucho Marx
* 40 Foot Buffet denies all allegations of steroid use and resents Barry Bonds’ attempt to deflect attention from his own scandal. Our attorney will be contacting Mr. Bonds.
To reserve a time give us
our birthday spanking, contact us at fortyfootbuffet@yahoo.com.
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