1. Hop on a plane, Dewayne.
2. Get hooked on meth, Seth.
3. Say you want to marry Larry, Barry.
4. Just lose a g’nad, Brad.
5. Take the spiral highway, Ray.
6. Escape through the loo, Lou.
7. Crawl out the window, Bo.
8. Catch a wave, Dave.
9. Shimmy up the chimney, Jiminy.
10. Steal a moped, Ed.
11. Ride your motorbike, Ike.
12. Do it with an intern, Vern.
13. Get caught with a boy, Roy.
14. Get eaten by Land Shark, Mark.
15. Ride off on a one trick pony, Tony.
16. Drive your car off the levy, Chevy.
17. Become a prude, Dude.
18. Jump off a cliff, Biff.
19. Never put down the seat, Pete.
20. Act like a pig, Mr. Big.
21. Sleep with the nanny, Danny.
22. Ride that unicycle, Michael.
23. Get on your knees on crawl, Paul.
24. Slip slide away, Michael Bay.
25. Get swallowed by a snake, Jake.
26. Hot wire a truck, Chuck.
27. Withhold the nookie, Mookie.
28. Run off to Tex, Rex
29. Say you’re not a man, Dan.
30. Escape on a horse, Mr. Morse.
31. Steal the diamonds from her shoe, Drew.
32. Go after her daughter, Potter.
33. Make your distance on a train, Wayne.
34. Catch the next flight, Dwight.
35. Hide under the rug, Doug.
36. Speed off in your, Dodge, Rog.
37. Skate across the ice, Bryce.
38. Slide down the pole, Cole.
39. Just go, go, go, Diego.
40. Go on the lam, Sam.
41. Never come back from golf, Rolf.
42. Go underground, Ezra Pound.
43. Fly to Mars, Lars.
44. Hijack a Segway, Jay.
45. Jump in a time machine, Gene.
46. Steal away on a ferry Jerry.
47. Stow away on a ship, Chip.
48. Hop on the BART, Art.
49. Fly into the sky, Guy.
50. Just go ahead and leave, Steve.
Paul Simon really only gave us five ways to leave our lovers, which is woefully short of the number of suggestions promised in the song’s title. Why? Maybe he was too busy with Julio down by the schoolyard. This week, an assist goes to Terry’s wife Andrea for gettin’ in on the rhymin’, Simon, since you couldn’t finish the job. Whether you need to plan an escape route or plant a seed of doubt, here are fifty more ways to leave your lover… 
